Buondì.
I have a pain in my left shoulder, guess why.
You got it – the famous third dose! Which I booked through a link in a text message I got on Tuesday, and received yesterday (Thursday) morning, in a purpose-built vaccine ‘hub’ created from a disused engineering factory on an industrial estate not far from Bologna airport.
I admit to having questioned which country I was living in. Since when did things get so, well, modern? So technological? Dare I say it, so efficient?
Where’s the bureaucracy gone???
OK, I won’t say I miss it, or have shed any tears for the bureaucrats (they’re still out there, I’m sure, as government workers have jobs for life).
But there was something vaguely reassuring about the fact that you used to have to leap hurdles and shell out cash for ‘bolli’ before getting anything, whatsoever, done.
‘Bolli’?
Ah, I forgot, sorry. You probably live in a country where efficiency and transparency aren’t fashionable new ideas.
‘Bolli’ are tax stamps, which you buy at your local ‘tabaccheria’, which are the only shops allowed to sell them, along with other regulated goods such as tobacco, scratch cards and, in the past, salt!
Tax stamps are how the state charges for small services in a way that minimises the risk of their employees pocketing the cash.
If you’re trying to get anything done in Italy, you’ll need some: look for a shop displaying a blue sign with a big, white ‘T’. Though these days we have ‘virtual’ bolli, which are automatically added to invoices, deducted from bank accounts (really!) and so on.
Money, money, money! We lucky residents of ‘il bel paese’ are poultry, there to be plucked (and yes, I’m aware of the possibilities for rhyming that.)
I recall, years back, when applying for our school to be ‘recognised’ (taxed even more, in return for very little) by the ‘regione’ (a bit like a US state, except they don’t get to execute anyone, or restrict abortions), one of the many, many stages in the process was to sign and submit a declaration that I had had no dealings with organised crime, on my mother’s life!
It occurred to me at the time that if I HAD had any dealings with organised crime, I’d probably have no great concern about signing a false declaration denying it. But no matter – it was just another signature, out of the hundreds required.
Until I finally reached the finish line of the months-long bureaucratic marathon, only to be informed that the document in which I attested that my soul was whiter than white was missing the necessary ‘bollo’ for, I don’t know how much, thirty-five euros, or something outrageous!
Couldn’t it be overlooked? Couldn’t I pay by credit card?
Well of COURSE not! I would have to go to a ‘tabaccheria’ to buy the damn bollo, which could only be paid for in cash, not card, which I happened not to have enough of with me.
So it was back on the motorbike to locate a bank with an ATM, then to comb the streets for a ‘tabaccheria’, then shell out the equivalent of a good bottle of malt whisky for a square centimeter of pink paper, and finally back to that utterly meritless temple of bureaucracy that is Bologna’s ‘Camera di Commerico’ (anyone running a business has to register it there, and pay huge annual fees).
By which time I was spitting in fury.
Those were the days, though!
None of this in-and-out-in-ten-minutes, health insurance card SCANNED into the computer, details politely checked, arm injected, and Green Pass updated to show my new status before I’d even got back to my motorbike to head home.
N.b. No vax club members are more than welcome to post crazed comments on this article (as are, for that matter, others who I may have intentionally offended this morning), and they will, of course, be published, as all genuine comments are. Click here and scroll down to do that. Comments will be moderated, so will likely not be published immediately.
Or you can just unsubscribe. There’s a link at the bottom of every article that’s emailed out.
Why bring politics into this? people enquire. Because, amici, the world IS political, everything about it, including health care.
I’m still boiling mad about having been Brexited, against my will, and am never hesitant about calling out nonsense.
So, given that it’s Friday, and I’m in the mood to indulge myself, you’d be well advised to comment, rather than emailing me your views directly.
Unless, that is, you’re feeling masochistic.
A lunedì!
P.S.
P.S. Friday reminder!
And here’s the usual Friday reminder about the week’s new ‘easy reader’ ebook, Ti racconto la mia giornata, which is discounted 25% for just a couple more days. Get it today or at the weekend and pay just £5.99. From Monday, it’ll be £7.99.
Buy Ti racconto la mia giornata | Free Sample Chapter (.pdf) | Catalog
How do I access my ebook?
When your order is ‘completed’ (normally immediately after your payment is confirmed), a download link will be automatically emailed to you. It’s valid for 7 days and 3 download attempts so please save a copy of the .pdf ebook in a safe place. Other versions of the ebook (.mobi/Kindle-compatible, .epub) cannot be downloaded but will be emailed to people who request them.
+++
Emma says
Also boiling about being Brexited. I own a house in Puglia, but live in Cambridge, UK. Desperate to get an EU passport back so I can be free to move around, you know, like I used to be able to, without the days being counted up.
In other news, am loving your emails – especially the ranty ones.
Daniel says
Grazie, Emma!
Coming back to Italy from Scotland on Monday I was (rightly) stopped at passport control where the nice police officer asked, in a puzzled way, whether I lived here i.e. why I thought I had the right to reenter the country so soon after leaving. And could I prove it??
Fortunately I’m on the British embassy’s mailing list, so knew in advance that I would need a PERMESSO DI SOGGIORNO ELETTRONICO, that’s to say a little card with my picture on to show that I was a legal resident. It’s not obligatory, but brought a smile to the cop’s face as he handed me back my passport and wished me a pleasant evening.
Any Brits legally resident in Italy would be wise to fill in the forms, buy the ‘bolli’, wait a few months, and so have one handy for future visits ‘home’…
Caroline says
I’m in the process of trying to get my Permesso di Soggiorno. I read I need a bollotino not a bolli and I have to get that from the post office. 🙇🏻♀️🤦♀️🤷🏻♀️Maybe we need a bureaucracy course!
Daniel says
That would probably be a ‘bollettino’, Caroline, with an ‘E’, so a payment form to be filled out by hand with the same information three times, the main part and TWO receipts, then handed to the historically slow post office employee along with the cash. She stamps all three parts and gives you back the two receipts, one of which you will then present to the Questura where you apply for your Permesso di Soggiorno and one you keep for your own records.
If you have an Italian bank account (not a good idea) you can pay ‘bollettini’ online, except not if the payee is the state, which only accepts money through the bloody post office, where you’ll queue.
‘Forza, coraggio’ as Italians say!
Ray Donagh says
Daniel, you are in flying today. I so look forward to reading your musings which are spot on. Keep taking the drugs and keep writing the unvarnished truth.
Love it.
Ray
Daniel says
Grazie, Ray!
Nigel says
I feel the pain in your shoulder but you brought a smile to my face.
Daniel says
Nice to know, Nigel. Thanks for taking the time to comment. I appreciate it!
Judy Jacques says
Yup, an enjoyable rant with interesting insights into Italian bureaucracy. I could, but don’t have the time or energy, describe the unbelievable post-Brexit hurdles set up by our french bank account to prevent us laundering – as they see it – the occasional 200 euros!
Keep writing!
Daniel says
Try opening a bank account in the UK for a business with a foreign (me!) owner, Judy. It’s like something out of Dante’s inferno! We pay VAT, pay taxes, are totally legitimate, but the banks don’t want to know. And yet the actual money launderers all seem to manage just fine – it’s the little people who suffer, as always!!
Dorothy King says
Thanks for a Friday laugh, Daniel – I do enjoy reading a good rant! And also thanks – I think – for the salutary reminder that if my yearning to live in Italy were ever satisfied, there would always be downsides …
Daniel says
Prego! Of course, there are downsides no matter where you live. I moan about Italy because I live here, but there are lots of good things, really!
Tony says
Like Emma I remain upset about Brexit and I love your ranty emails. This one was a classic. And I so needed it after suffering from a heavy cold for the last 3 weeks. Definitely not COVID as I have been tested 3 times in this period! So just want to say ‘thank you for making me laugh out loud this morning’. Keep on keeping on Daniel.
Daniel says
Grazie, Tony. Sorry about your cold, by the way. One good thing about having to wear a mask all the time and wash my hands properly, I’ve been in rude health since the lurgy began (apart from the stroke…)
Sergey says
Ciao a tutti!
Che coincidenza! Ho fatto la rivaccinazione ieri pomeriggio con la vaccina Sputnik-light. Non sento nè dolore nella spalla sinistra nè altri effetti collaterali. All’ospedale, dove mi hanno fatto l’iniezione, ho dovuto mostrare solo il mio passaporto. La procedura non ha richiesto la registrazione preventiva. Stamattina ho ricevuto un certificato di questa vaccinazione via e-mail.
Mentre andavamo all’ospedale (mia moglie mi ha portato lì in macchina) abbiamo prestato attenzione a una folla di persone alla fermata dell’autobus, quasi tutti erano senza mascherine. Gli indicatori statistici dell’epidemia in Russia per ieri sono i seguenti: il numero di nuovi casi di COVID-19 è stato di 37.156 (il giorno precedente era di 37.374); sono morti 1247 persone. Tendo ad assumere che ci sia una connessione logica tra le mie osservazioni descritte nella prima frase e i numeri dati nella seconda.
Vi auguro buona salute, abbiate cura di voi!
Ciao!
Isabel says
I was sort of hoping for some crazed comments but all quiet and reasonable so far …. . I so look forward to your replies to any such comments
The Green Pass seems to work really well. I live in Australia and it took me an hour on the phone to prove I was who I said I was just so I could connect one part of a government website to another part and allow my fully vaccinated details to display on my “smart” phone (and no it’s not an Apple). I was very proud of myself for lasting the distance – so many questions, so many setbacks … but the woman I spoke to was patient and undaunted and all was done in the end.
I’m sorry for Brexit too – my son lives & works in London & has been quite pissed-off about the whole process – but it’s not just the inconvenience of border restrictions etc – it makes me feel sad in a way I can’t really describe (as well as a bit cranky)
Daniel says
Don’t be cranky, Isabel. Look further down this list of comments and you’ll find I’ve posted a crazed one that someone emailed me, especially for you!
Also, well frankly, it was too good to keep to myself.
And as promised, I replied very rudely! Buona serata.
Clare says
Loved the rant and political humor❣️ The United States is becoming less transparent and certainly less organized with their healthcare systems…..sounds as though Italy has progressed in that area.
Daniel says
Italy’s system is said to vary a lot from region to region, Clare, as it’s organised (and perhaps funded, not sure) at regional level. In Emilia Romagna, where I live, it’s pretty good. I’ve had excellent care in emergencies and get free medicines for chronic conditions, so probably only spend the equivalent of a few hundred dollars a year – just modest costs for things that aren’t covered by my exemptions.
Living in a city helps, as does being just a short ambulance ride from a university hospital… Not sure I’d be so confident if I was out in the sticks some place!
Daniel says
Sorry, I removed this at the request of the anonymous writer, who is happy to send me abuse and misinformation via email but doesn’t like to be seen doing so publicly.
Robert Skinner says
Hi Daniel
I’m not in the habit of responding to websites but I must say how much I enjoy your regular musings, they bring a smile to my face more often than not – even when you’re having a rant. I wish you hadn’t mentioned Brexit, it’s enough to give me cardiac arrest, what sane person would have voted for slamming the door on our most successful markets? (Rhetorical question) – 51% of the gullible Brits who believe the tripe trotted out by their current leader. I can’t wait for my home (Gibraltar) to decide that they’ve had enough and ask to be welcomed into the arms of Spain ( I do remember the years of misery under General Franco but Spain isn’t just Madrid and the generals) then perhaps I can apply for an EU passport once again..
In the meantime, keep up the good work and best wishes to you,
Daniel says
Thanks for commenting, Robert! Gibraltar got shafted, of course, for the ‘greater good’, as did those of us who are long-term expats and so weren’t allowed to vote at all (15 years + means disenfranchised…) The whole disgraceful episode is, in my humble opinion, ‘vergognoso’.
Susette Schacherl says
Congratulations on your booster. I am waiting to be eligible. Currently you have to be seventy (Ontario, Canada), but my seventy year old friend can’t find an appointment. It’s never been easy to get the shot here. Shortages, long lines. However it may actually be motivating – people desire what is hard to get.
Stay safe.
Daniel says
Yes, that’s totally true! If it’s restricted, it’s valuable. I’m just 54 but on the list of the vulnerable, which I’d prefer not to be, of course, but at least sometimes it helps. Also, I work with children, infectious little buggers that they are, and so need to be cautious. Hope your elderly friend stays well long enough to get his third shot!
Judith says
Hi Daniel, I’d like to join the list of thank yous – I too love your rants and as a fellow British resident in Italy I share most of your sentiments (especially Brexit!). We live in the sticks and as you rightly said it works a bit differently – we haven’t yet had any problems, but perhaps not surprisingly have needed lots of patience. My husbands trip for his booster dose this morning was smooth and successful, but lots of bits of paper and signatures were required and it will probably be at least a week until his green pass is updated. We’ve got all the digital cards, it’s just that no-one around here knows how to use them. 😂 But I’m not whinging, it’s a wonderful country to live in and I wouldn’t want to live anywhere else! I’m slightly reassured about your digital permesso di soggiorno story – my recent experience was a bit different (although we travelled back to the UK by car). I was asked for my Italian permesso di soggiorno by a French police officer before we boarded the Eurotunnel to go enter the `UK – even though I have a British passport 🤪 – but not asked for anything except my passport when I came back on the Eurotunnel and nothing at all at the Italian border.
When I described the way I’d done my covid tests in the UK (the do it at home variety) to my online Italian teacher he was horrified at the ‘fai di te tampone’ and reassured me that nothing like that is allowed in Italy.
On the subject of language learning my overnight stay in France was quite interesting – I only have schoolgirl French – but understood pretty much all that was said to me (because of learning Italian I think) – but I was frustrated that my brain and mouth both conspired against me to reply in Italian – which caused a lot of amusement to the hotel staff.
Thank again and please keep up sharing your take on life and language learning it’s great fun and very helpful! All the best, Judith
Daniel says
Mille grazie, Judith!
About the problem of Italian coming out when French is required, I’m not a psychologist but I’d say that’s a common problem with languages that you haven’t used much previously or know well but haven’t accessed for a while.
I think of it as an issue of getting ‘cued up’ to produce the right language. I bet you’d find that something as simple as rehearsing the possible conversation in your head beforehand would help a lot. Or even easier, count to a hundred in the less familiar language to ‘cue your brain up’ before you’ll need to access what you know – i.e. in an online lesson.
Works for me, anyway. Usually just the greetings phase has the desired effect – Merhaba! Nasılsın? / İyiyim. Naber? – and my head knows to get ready to speak Turkish. A few hours of practice spread over a month or so and the magic bit of your head will know exactly what it’s expected to do!
(Did you know we also sell online French lessons??)
Poppy says
I came here for the comments, it appears the only ranty comment has been removed!
I am still angry about the stupidity and pettiness of Brexit, but one good thing has come out of it for me; my rebellion against has been to learn a second language and I’m loving my personal fightback! (If anyone wants to share swear anti-Brexit phrases in italian I am all ears…)
Daniel says
Yes, sorry about that, Poppy. Apparently copyright law protects the anonymous, abusive and ignorant, while leaving those of us who have to read their unsolicited nonsense no possibility of sharing the silliness in a wider forum.
I totally get your Brexit rebellion though! Good on you! I reckon I can now read/listen to four EU languages, with varying degrees of competence, excluding Brexit-tainted English of course. Shame the French wouldn’t let Turkey in, or it would have been five.
Luann E McKenzie says
Regardless of how one feels about vaccines, that is some pretty damned good writing! When you’ve had your fill of language instruction travails, you might be well advised to go write comedy. There’s fabulous fodder EVERYWHERE, and I’m confident that you would make better than good use of it. Thanks for the laughs, Daniel.
Daniel says
Grazie, Luann.
Gail Atkinson-Mair says
Hello again Daniel,
Re: Booster. Fila tutto liscio come l’olio? in questo paese? Niente burocrazia, bollo, o tangente, nemmeno qualche spicciolino? Now THAT should have started the alarm bells ringing. I salute your courage.
Wish you all the best.
Gail
Anna says
Dear Daniel, love your rants. I think that Polish bureaucracy could compete with the Italian one. My British husband has applied to get a permit that would allow him to stay in Poland for longer than 90 days in any 180 days (thank you Brexiteers!). He had to fill a 20 page long form, in POLISH, listing all his previous visits to Poland on two dotted lines. As we have been going to Poland regularly for the last 30 years, it proved a little tricky.
Keep on ranting, a shame you removed the rude email, and your rude response, always fun to read.
Best wishes
Anna
Denise says
Hi David
It appears you have made promises that weren’t fulfilled. I clicked on the comments looking for some rants back to you and there were now. How disappointing!
It seems that the stragrande maggioranza of club members are sane.
Thanks for your entertaining rant.
Denise
Daniel says
Sorry about that. The only insane one was nevertheless very aware of her legal rights regarding copyright and insisted I take down her nonsense…