Fancy becoming an Italian citizen?

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Buondì.

An American emailed EasyItalianNews.com the other day to politely request that they cancel his regular donations via Paypal.

I do customer service for all our websites, which I hate. The answering emails, not the websites.

The other day someone wrote “Gosh, you really are extremely rude” after I’d replied to her email (on a Sunday morning, minutes after receiving it) objecting to her assumption that we were planning to defraud her. Some other ‘learn Italian’ site had done just that, apparently. I guess I must have unwittingly let slip ‘un pizzico’ of brusqueness. Could have been that Bug was howling around my ankles as I typed.

But anyway, I cancelled the guy’s regular payments for him, let him know I’d done it, and received thanks in exchange.

The reason he’d decided to stop reading and listening to Italian three times a week, or at least stop donating to help fund the site? He’d been preparing for the ‘B1 Cittadinanza’ exam, but then found out he wasn’t actually eliglible for Italian citizenship, so quit. Fair enough.

There’s a lot of interest – primarily from the Italian diaspora, but not only – in obtaining Italian citizenship. Which is also of course European Union citizenship, so permitting free travel and residence throughout the twenty-seven member countries. Well, if the offer is sitting on the table anyway, why not take it up??

Hence we get regular requests for information about and help with the ‘B1 Cittadinanza’ exam, which I WILL NOT LINK TO HERE, partly because the exam body offers nothing useful for students, being only interested in milking as much cash as possible from would-be migrants, and partly because they’re arseholes (pardon my French), who treated my wife abominably in the past.

If you want to know more about where you can take the exam, how much it costs, and so on, then Google it. But mind the sharks. Caveat emptor.

People here in Bologna, and in general, tend to assume that I’m a naturalised Italian, despite my refusal to use the subjunctive, strong British accent, and contemptuous attitude to many vital aspects of Italian life, such as striking on Fridays, forcibly enlisting your children in the Catholic church (despite having no religious belief yourself), evading taxes, exceeding the speed limit, och så vidare.

Well, why wouldn’t I be Italian, after having lived here for twenty-eight years? I’m married to one, my three kids are Italians, I have a house, a business and friends here. I even yell Italian at my rescue animal.

Dunno really. Lot’s of reasons, and none. For decades I was just too busy and too skint. I never managed to register my children’s births with the British consulate, or to apply for British passports on their behalf. Before Brexit it seemed unnecessary, as well as bureaucratic and costly.

At a certain point we all agreed (in the family) that I actually should get my act together and apply, but when I looked into the process it unsurprisingly turned out to be long, complicated, expensive, slow, and very, very, very boring.

The first obstacle I encountered was the need to obtain a criminal records check from the UK cops, covering the ten years prior to moving to Italy (in 1998), which I could do by listing all my addresses for that period and paying the fee. The result, a declaration of my purity and innocence, at least until moving to Italy, would then need to be officially translated at vast and pointless expense.

Between the ages of twenty-one and thirty-one I estimated that I’d lived at more than two dozen UK addresses, only one of which I now could remember, plus in two foreign countries, for multiple years. I was footloose, if not fancy free.

Pretty much there and then I decided not to bother with citizenship. And not long afterwards I had a stroke, which affected the equation. Using my bruised brain to do a quick mental cost/benefit analysis, it was apparent that spending time and effort on a citizenship that wouldn’t confer much more than the permanent residence I already had wasn’t going to be a good use of my remaining years.

Sure, with citizenship I could vote. But who for? They’ll all awful. And, should my wife divorce me, I could be sure to keep living in Italy, with its strikes, hypocrisy, tax evasion and so on. Wouldn’t that be great?

So I haven’t bothered. If ‘la signora’ has second thoughts, I’ll move on. Though it’s much more likely I’ll expire in a local Italian hospital (at least we have some good ones in Bologna), or in an ambulance stuck in the city’s appalling traffic.

Yes, traffic. We’re having tram lines installed, which has blocked everything up even worse than usual (details here, if anyone’s interested.) Visit the city and hang in the historic center and you might not notice. But for the other three-hundred thousand of us, it’s currently hell.

Anyway, my Italian’s not perfect, far from it, but I could certainly sail through the lousy ‘B1 Cittadinanza’ exam. I could almost certainly pass the Swedish equivalent too, without breaking a sweat. With a bit of prep, French. With a lot of prep, Turkish.

Don’t know what B1 refers to, and whether it’s a high or a low level? Then take a look at the CEFR self assessment checklist, which you’ll find here: https://rm.coe.int/CoERMPublicCommonSearchServices/DisplayDCTMContent?documentId=090000168045bb52 (it really is worth a detailed look, promise.)

See, for example, the B1 Listening descriptor, which I’ll quote:

“I can understand the main points of clear standard speech on familiar matters regularly encountered in work, school, leisure, etc. I can understand the main point of many radio or TV programmes on current affairs or topics of personal or professional interest when the delivery is relatively slow and clear.”

Seems a reasonable level to expect from would-be-citizens, right? Though personally I don’t agree with language-tests for migrants. Too often they’re simply a result of disguised rascism meeting crafty politiking.

Too many black people in your neighbourhood? No worries Sig. Voter. I and my party colleagues will protect you from these dangerous assembly line workers, bus drivers and hospital cleaners with our patent Italian language exam, specifically-designed to exclude people who speak Italian perfectly well (or who will soon) while enabling foreign pensioners who have plenty of money and time to study.

Comunque, lots of club members are here precisely for that reason, busy as bees memorizing the grammar rules and verb conjugations on the club website.

IT WON’T BE ENOUGH!

Besides the Listening descriptor quoted above, note what you’ll need to be able to do for a B1 in Spoken Interaction:

“I can deal with most situations likely to arise whilst travelling in an area where the language is spoken. I can enter unprepared into conversation on topics that are familiar, of personal interest or pertinent to everyday life (e.g. family, hobbies, work, travel and current events).”

Sound heavy? Well, if you’re starting from scratch, and particularly if you’ve never learned a foreign language before, then it probably is. You’ll need plenty of practice, at least!

Which reminds me, see below for news of an up-coming promotion…

Alla prossima settimana.

Coming soon: November’s FTLO!

FTLO (got you!) stands for Free Trial Lesson Offer, which the folks over at NativeSpeakerTeachers.com run twice a year, in November and January.

I’m both the owner of the company and a satisfied customer, as Victor Kiam used to say in the TV ads.

My weekly online Swedish conversation ‘lessons’ are organised through that company, and work very well to keep me in touch with and using the language I’m learning.

The other day we had a Swedish woman come into our Italian language school, right at the moment my wife – who usually runs it – was busy on the phone, or on the throne, or something, so I got to chat the student up in her own language. Which was satisfying, and all due to the confidence gained from regular online practice.

The vast majority of club members won’t have tried a one-to-one with an Italian native speaker teacher. Which is a shame. For anyone who can afford it (probably most people reading this) online lessons are a valuable addition to your portfolio of language-learning activities.

But people don’t appreciate just how critical/essential/useful/confidence-enhancing actually interacting with a real person in the language you’re learning can be. I admit, I didn’t. Not until I gave it a go myself.

Così. That’s why there’s a FTLO. It’ll be happening the week beginning Nov. 3rd, so the week after next. Don’t worry, I won’t let you forget.

Also don’t worry, you don’t have to provide any credit card details to get your free one-to-one lesson, or pay anything, or commit yourself in any other way. It’s a genuninely free free trial lesson offer.

Shaves as close as a blade, or your money back! Except you don’t have to pay anything in the first place.

N.b. NativeSpeakerTeachers.com has a separate mailing list. Get on it and you’ll hear about the promo a few days earlier.

P.S.

And here’s the usual Wednesday morning reminder to read/listen to Tuesday’s bulletin of news from EasyItalianNews.com.

Reading/listening practice will help you consolidate the Italian you’re studying, expand your vocabulary, and build vital comprehension skills.

EasyItalianNews.com is FREE to read/listen to.

Subscribing, and so receiving all three text + audio bulletins of ‘easy’ news via email each week -on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays – is also FREE.

Just enter your email address on this page and click the confirmation link that will be sent to you.

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